Witches, curanderos, and psychics are as common here in Tecate as enchiladas, rice and beans. If you are interested in learning what lies ahead in your life we offer a a wide variety of spiritualists. For example, Don Teofilo practices ornithomancy and employs a really cute little yellow-breasted sapsucker. Then there’s our poop psychic, Doña Marcelina. She’s into scatomancy and for her purpose she uses a duck! I have some direct experience with many of our local witches over the years and I’m obliged to confess that I’ve had some interesting consultations. Our newest weird sister is Pamela who recently arrived from Catemaco, Veracruz, the witch capital of Mexico. She practices gastromancy. Pamela doesn’t employ a bird, or a duck or any other prop. She claims to reveal future events by listening carefully and studying the sounds emanating from the stomach.
Well, I’m allways interested in meeting a new diviner and so I made an appointment with Pamela. She works out of her garage. She bid me lie down, expose myself, and relax. I complied. She pressed her ear to my stomach and my whole future unfolded.
“Hmmm.” She moved her ear a little to the right. “Hmmm.”
The smoke had rather a soothing effect and I relaxed.
“I see you are a very healthy individual. No illnesses are seen in the immediate future ”
“Please don’t talk. I might miss something. “Hmmm.” she moved her ear a little to the left and pressed down. “I see you will soon embark on a journey.” She moved the auditory organ down as low as decency permits and I heard another hmmm. “I see you are recovering from a broken heart.”
Now, how could she possibly know that! Maybe it was all those nachos I had earlier.
I diddn’t like the sound of that hmmm.
“You will soon suffer a monetary loss.” Now, she moved her ear a little higher and another hmmm. “Oh! Oh? Yes! A stranger is coming into your life.” She pressed down and listened again. “A woman! But she’s not from here. She comes from the other side of the border. That will be $100 pesos, please.”
I wasn’t too impressed with the reading, it sounded kind of rehearsed to me. I had a lot to do and so I put it out of my mind. I had to get ready for a book club meeting in Dallas. I had to get the Mercedes into the shop to see about a funny noise. It wasn’t until a couple of weeks after I got back that I had a minute to recall my visit to Pamela and began to review her reading. In a sense I suppose I could consider the trip to Dallas as a journey. The funny noise in the car cost me $1000. Could that be considered the loss? I thought about it some more.
Hey, Pamela may not be a fake after all! I think I’ll go back to her. She might have an update on Señorita X!