Monthly Archives: July 2015

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July 12, 2015 · 12:43 am

DANCING NAKED

Any time you see El Flaco ad old Don Tibursio sharing a bench in the plaza you can bet a deep-dish margarita you’ll get a good story.

You’ll never guess who I saw at market early this morning.
Who?
Carmela La Loca.
Carmela La Loca! But I thought she was dead.
Well, it looks like she came back. She was selling cactus fruit. She looks a hundred yeas old.
She must be about our age. I remember we all thought she was the most beautiful girl in Tecate.
You know the story, don’t you?
Everybody knows the story. It happened just a few years after the US/Mexico border was inaugurated. And that was in 1932. There were rumors that she poisoned Don Tibursio. I remember old Don Tibursio, of course. Used to drive all over town in that big black hearse.
It was a l932 Pierce Arrow.
Lived in that big palace. Had lots of servants. Chauffeurs, gardeners, maids and such. I remember I did some cement work there years ago. There’s something like eighteen bedrooms in that house. Even a swimming pool in the living room.
Well, Carmela was the one who looked after the old man. The stable boy – I forget his name now –
Rafa.
Yes, Rafa. He was her lover. He was a painter. They wanted desperately to get married but he was too poor. He spent whatever he earned on paints, and canvas and things and could never sell a picture. They met secretly every night and planned to be married as soon as he had a little money. Well, Don Tibursio had a lot of aches and pains. And one day Carmela asked if he would like a back rub
“Magnifico! Me gusta la idea!”
So she would rub his nalgas with arnica every day. Or sometimes she would gather hierba mansa for his swollen feet. When he had a cough she would make tea from sauco flowers. She devoted all her attention to the old man. Well, one day Carmela said, “Would you like me to take all my clothes off?”
“Magnifico! Me gusta la idea!”
So she took off all her clothes.”Would you like me to dance for you naked?”
“Magnifico! Me gusta la idea!”
So every day old don Tibursio got his nalgas rubbed and watched her dance naked.
Well, one day she told Rafa that it wouldn’t be long before they would be married.
“But how? I haven’t sold a thing?”
“I have a plan.” was her only answer.
Well, the way the story goes Carmela came to Don Tibursio.
“I will be leaving you in ten days, Don Tibursio. I want you to know I enjoyed working for you and rubbing your nalgas and dancing naked for you.”
“But you can’t leave me! Where are you going?”
“I am going back to Nayarit with my family.”
“No! I can’t let you go! I will double your salary!”
“Oh, it isn’t the money.”
“But I don’t want you to go. You’re a part of my life now.”
“Would you like to marry me?”
“Magnifico! Me gusta la idea!”
So they were married in that big house in a civil ceremony. And in less than three weeks poor old Don Tibursio died. “Well.” she thought. “It was God’s will. All this belongs to me now. Rafa and I can be married.”

About a week later a total stranger comes to the door and says, “Señora, how long will it take you to move out?”
“What are you talking about! I’m Don Tibursio’s widow. This house belongs to me!”
“Don Tibursio didn’t own this house.”
“What are you talking about! You must be crazy!”
“Don Tibursio sold it to me for a million US dollars many years ago with the understanding that he could live in it until he died.

BLAAAAAAT!!
There goes the two o’clock whistle at the brewery.
Yes, its time to get home for lunch.
See you tomorrow.

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